I am > I was 1/3

installation, unfired clay, airbrush-color, five speakers, subwoofer, 2019

The moist clay dries in the course of the exhibition. Cracks appear in the surface of the skin-brushed clay and start growing.

"... I’ve wandered aimlessly through the library. I was feeling very vulnerable at the time. I had just reached the archaeological section. I opened this book. I saw a drawing in there. I liked the drawing. The man in the drawing looked so sad. The man in the drawing was the Colossus of Rhodes. The book was written by an archaeologist. Her name is Ursula Vedder. I would’ve liked to talk to Ursula about this drawing...."

"...I would’ve asked her why her Colossus of Rhodes looks so sad. And why the Colossus of Rhodes is so important to her. I can’t ask her anymore. Ursula Vedder is dead. She died on May 23, 2018. When I wrote an email to her, she was still alive..."

The spatial installation describes the failure of a male ideal, accompanied by an audio piece with a duration time of 12 minutes.

I am > I was 2/3

installation, styrofoam, unfired clay, site fence elements, bronze sculpture, 2019

The clay sculptures are presented in a fragmented state and the narrative is supplemented by new sculptural elements.

Styrofoam, which was previously hidden under the clay sculptures, is now visible.

A divided bronze kneecap hangs in the site fence at knee level.

I am > I was 3/3

video-installation, four speaker, wooden construction, four cement bags, beamer, 11:56 Min., 2019

The previously only audible story is supplemented with a film.

follow pain

performance (in collaboration with the Tatzel-Group), sweatpants, running-shoes, 2019

The participants are guided to an unused open area under a highway bridge.

From time to time I slow down my tempo and start to shout sentences without addressing the audience directly. The content is only partly understandable due to the noise of the cars.
"...you see craftsmen, but no people..."
"...Just a battlefield, hands and arms dismembered..."
"... Can your head carry the new practice?.."

At a certain point in time I start to turn directly to the participants, first to the whole group, later to individual persons.

"...I want to say one more thing, um... you might see me in this moment. You see me being sad, lying broken down on the ground. But, and that's a fact, I did what I did and became, who I became, regardless of whether I hoped for fame or money or anything else. I never aimed for the loud applause and beautiful women. It was always about following my pain, and as long as you follow your pain, you can't get lost. You can see me here in this moment, but just because I'm sad, because I am running on empty and because I am totally broken apart, it doesn't mean you shouldn't do what you do. Follow your pain and everything will be..."

The participants are guided from the open area to the highway.

I don't stop running.

I am > I was / Ich bin > Ich war

Artist catalogue, 192 pages, design by Paul Bernhard, English / German, published by HvM books

The publication "I am > I was" initially appears to be a classic artist catalog. Poems and seemingly objective texts address personal issues on the same level, while supposedly authentic medical prognoses intertwine with fictional narrative structures.
A personal crisis gradually spreads across the pages.

The attempt to conform to the ideal image of masculinity dissolves the boundaries between private individual, artistic position, and poetic fiction—culminating in a desperate attempt to transform oneself into the Colossus of Rhodes.

The catalog offers a retrospective of my work and emotional insights into why I abandoned my practice as a solo artist. Feel free to reach out if you're interested in a copy.